Wildest Dreams Or Is It Nightmares?
by AttilaTheBunny
Summary: Miss Hinako's dreams come true, and the Tendo girls and Ranma expierience true horror. R&R please!
1. Big News

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anybody (yet).

Chapter 1: Big News Ranma and Akane were walking home from school together and talking. As usual, they were insulting each other for a while before the topic turned to more interesting matters. "Ranma, did you notice how weird Miss Hinako was acting today?" said Akane. 

"Yeah," said Ranma, walking across the chain link fencing. "She was really chipper and perky, and she kept smiling at us."

"I wonder what's going on," said Akane, sighing as they walked through the door of the Tendo Dojo.

"Ranma! Akane!" yelled Nabiki running towards them. "Finally, you're here! Daddy says he has big news, but he's refusing to tell us what it is until you guys got here."

"Well, we're here," said Akane, thinking: _Miss Hinako is really happy about something and Daddy has big news. _Oh no!_ Please let me be wrong about this._

"Wonder what's it's about," said Ranma going into the room where Mr. Tendo was waiting.

_Ranma, you idiot,_ thought Akane, _Don't you even have a guess?_

" Hello, Ranma and Akane," said Mr. Tendo cheerfully. "I have some wonderful news for us all. Now, as soon as Saotome gets here, I'll tell you."

"As soon as Pops getshere?" said Ranma, "Got it." And he ran out of the room. Some crashing and yelling followed him.

Soon Ranma dragged an unconscious Mr. Saotome into the room.

"Right," said Mr. Tendo, "Since we are all here I would like to share some wonderful news."

"Yeah?" said Ranma eagerly.

"I'm engaged!" said Mr. Tendo.

"Uh," said Ranma with a look of disbelief on his face.

"Oh that's wonderful news Daddy!" said Kasumi with a big smile on her face. "Who are you engaged to?"

"A lovely woman named—"said Mr. Tendo.

_Please no, _thought Akane.

"Miss Hinako Ninomiya!" cried Mr. Tendo.

They all gaped at him.

"Akane and Ranma, I believe you know her, as she is your English teacher," said Mr. Tendo, looking quite pleased with himself.

There was a long silence while they all stared at him with disbelief written all over their faces. Finally the silence was broken by Nabiki's cry of—

"Dad-dy! There's no one at Furinkan who doesn't know the terrifying legend of Miss Hinako. Don't you_ know_ that she's only _really _a woman when she's just sucked ki out of someone?"

Mr. Tendo shrugged. "A minor detail after I got her some new fighting fish. Now, she can be a woman all the time."

"Daddy, don't you think you ought to think this out more carefully? Shouldn't you get to know each other better before you get married?" said Kasumi gently.

"Oh, we know each other plenty well," said Mr. Tendo, who just couldn't stop smiling. "After all, we've been dating for almost three months now."

"What!" yelled Akane at the top of her lungs. "You've been dating her for months and you never told us? What kind of a father are you?"

"I thought it would be best to make sure we were certain before I told you. I proposed to her last night," he said.

Even Kasumi was looking more than a bit worried by now. "Um, when are you getting married?" she said still trying to sound pleased at her father's news.

"In about two weeks," said Mr. Tendo, trying to understand why nobody looked very happy.

"Two—!" Ranma looked completely shocked while he screamed, "Isn't that a bit sudden!"

"Well, we are desperately in love."

"Anyway, Ranma, why do you care?" said Akane, "It's not like _you're_ going to have to deal with her as a mother."

"Hey, I'm going to have to live with her too," said Ranma, angrily punching holes in the floor. He didn't notice Mr. Tendo slipping Nabiki a piece of paper.

"Ranma, stop wrecking our floor," said Nabiki, " Don't you guys think we should at least give Miss Hinako a chance?"

Ranma and Akane glared at her.

"Okay, how much did he pay you?" said Akane.

"¥20,000," said Nabiki.

"Aren't you ashamed of yourself?" said Ranma, "You'll do anything for money, won't you?"

"Hey, money's useful!" said Nabiki defensively.

"What's happening?" said Mr. Saotome finally getting up.

"I guess we'd better start the whole thing over," said Ranma with a sigh, and he proceeded to do so.

A/N: This story will start up again 2 weeks in the characters' future. On the Day of the Wedding. Dum dum dummm. Anyway R&R please because I have to know what people think of this.


	2. Wedding Day

**Disclaimer: **I don't own anybody. sniffles in background

Chapter 2: Wedding Day 

Akane sat at her desk looking out the window in her room. _I can't believe Daddy's getting married today, _she thought. _And why the heck does he truly think he's desperately in love with Miss Hinako? _

Suddenly Akane sat up straight. She yanked open the door and yelled, "Mrs. Saotome is coming!" Almost as soon as she yelled, she heard the sound of water being dumped over someone.

Ranma, who was now pretending to be Ranko, greeted Mrs. Saotome enthusiastically.

"Well, I just came to congratulate you before the wedding," said Mrs. Saotome, smiling at Mr. Tendo.

"Thank you," said Mr. Tendo, beaming right back.

"I can't wait to see my Ranma married," said Mrs. Saotome, with a dreamy look on her face. "Oh, I do hope Ranma likes girls. After all, he wouldn't be manly if he didn't like girls. And if he's not manly, I'll have to kill him."

"Don't worry," said Ranma quickly. "I _know_ Ranma likes girls."

"How?" asked Mrs. Saotome eagerly.

"Well, because— because Ranma and I are dating," said Ranma without thinking.

_Dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy, dummy! _cried Ranma's Inner Akane.

_Wait a second, _thought Ranma. _Since when do I have an Inner Akane? _

_Since always! _yelled his Inner Akane.

_Look, _thought Ranma,_ I do not want a macho-jock chick in my head!_

_Fine, _said his Inner Akane, _Just for that, I _will_ date Ryoga!_

_Who said _anything _about dating Ryoga? _thought Ranma and realized Mrs. Saotome was talking.

"—tell me that Ranma was here?" she asked.

"He's not here anymore," said Ranma thinking fast, "What I meant was Ranma and I _were_ dating. You see, one day I was taking a little walk and saw the most handsome and manly man. He came over to me and we talked for a little bit. We told each other our names but by then I was too smitten to think." Ranma was really getting into it now. "He asked me on a date. I accepted and we were swept up in a whirlwind of love. Unfortunately, just as our date was finishing he had to leave to train in Mongolia. He said 'Duty calls,' and departed. I can't wait until he comes back so we can be can together again."

"Oh good," said Mrs. Saotome, "I'm so glad Ranma likes girls. I'll leave you to prepare for the wedding, Mr. Tendo." She waved and left the house.

"Whew," said Ranma, " That was a close one."

"It's your fault it was a close one," said Akane, who had come down during all the confusion.

Ranma opened his mouth to retort but Mr. Tendo cut in first.

"Girls, girls, girls," he said "Let's prepare for the wedding. Akane, as the youngest you will be flower girl—"

"What!" yelled Akane, "I'm too old to be flower girl."

Mr. Tendo continued on as if she hadn't said a word. "Saotome will be best man, Ranma will give away the bride, Kasumi will be the maid-of-honor, and Nabiki will be a bridesmaid. You'll find your clothes on your beds. Now let's go get ready for the wedding."

They all groaned but went upstairs to change.

The wedding went pretty well except for the incidents where the cake "fell" on top of the bride, the flower girl threw all her flowers at the ceiling and stomped off, the "father of the bride" shoved the bride at the groom and said "Please, take her!" everybody wanted to know why the heck the "father of the bride" was wearing a mask (the rumor was that it had something to do with a certain lady in the audience), the bridesmaid was trying to get people to pay her for various things, etc.

But then finally the bride and groom ran off on their honeymoon and the wedding was over. Whew.

When Ranma, Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, and Mr. Saotome got back to the Tendo Dojo, Ranma breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, they're on their honeymoon now. That's one less headache to deal with."

_Yes, _thought Akane, _At least we don't have to worry about them—for a little bit anyway._

But as it turns out they will have plenty to worry about even without Miss Hinako and Mr. Tendo. Or, I should say, especially without Miss Hinako.

A/N: Sorry I didn't update sooner, but my computer was being bad. Please review! I only got a couple reviews last time and I have to know what people think of this. Ooh, I have an idea! Whoever reviews but doesn't flame gets a fudge cup. So, review and get a fudge cup.


	3. Substitute of Doom

**Disclaimer:** Let's face it. I don't own anybody; you know I don't own anybody, so let's just quit doing this.

Chapter 3: Substitute of Doom 

Everybody in Miss Hinako's English class was sitting around, waiting for Miss Hinako to show up. It was the day after the wedding and neither Ranma nor Akane was thinking very clearly.

"Aaargh," groaned one of the kids. "Where _is_ Miss Hinako?"

"Miss Hinako's—Wait a second!" Ranma yelled, sitting up straight. "Miss Hinako's on her honeymoon!"

"That's right, bridegroom!" said the sub, walking through the door. (Well maybe "walking" is the wrong word.)

"Huh?" said a kid. "A shriveled up goblin?"

"Who're you callin' a shriveled up goblin!" yelled Cologne for, indeed, it was she. Then she bonked the kid on the head with her staff.

"Uh, Cologne?" said Ranma. "Just what are _you _doing here?"

"Being your substitute, of course," said Cologne calmly.

"Do you even speak English!" screamed Ukyo.

"Of course not," said Cologne with a flawless English accent.

"Um," said Akane, who was one of the only ones who understood what Cologne had said. Ranma just looked blank.

"Now let us begin our lesson. Bridegroom, after Miss Kuonji asked me if I spoke English, what did I say?"

"I dunno, Yeah?" Ranma guessed.

"Wrong!" Cologne crowed. "Miss Tendo, would you be so kind as to tell bridegroom what I said?"

"She said 'of course not'" said Akane.

"Correct."

Just then a knock at the door interrupted the lesson. "Ah," said Cologne. "That must be our new student."

"New—" Ranma stopped in mid-sentence, dumbfounded. In fact the whole class was dumbfounded. They were all staring at the boy who had just come through the doorway.

"I decided to make him come to school because I need to keep an eye on him," said Cologne.

The boy looked around the room and then stopped. "Ranma Saotome, I've come to kill you!" he yelled. He was pointing straight at Akane.

"Hello, Mousse," said Akane. "This is Akane, not Ranma."

"Eh?" said Mousse, whipping his glasses on. "Oh. I'm sorry, Akane Tendo." He looked around. Finally, he found the real Ranma Saotome. "Ahem," he said clearing his throat. "Ranma Saotome, I've come to kill you!"

"No you haven't," said Cologne giving him a firm rap on the head with her staff. "You've come so I can make sure you don't get into any trouble. That includes trying to kill people. Now sit right here in front of me."

Ranma groaned and put his head in his hands. Could his life possibly get any more complicated? Then, of course, it did.

The wall suddenly smashed open and Shampoo (plus bike) came crashing in.

"Shampoo is bringing food for you, Great-Grandma!" yelled Shampoo, holding up a crate marked Cat Café. "Aiyaa!" she cried out, spotting Ranma. "Is Ranma!" She threw her arms wildly around Ranma's neck.

However, she didn't hang there long before one fist and one very large spatula slammed into her head. Three voices screamed:

"Get off Ran-chan!"

"Get off Ranma!"

"Get off me!"

Shampoo glared furiously at Ukyo and Akane. "You very rude!"

Cologne watched with a slightly amused expression until a slightly off target spatula hit her on the head. Cologne did _not_ like being hit on the head with a spatula. "Miss Kuonji," said Cologne, walloping Ukyo on the head with her staff. "I don't appreciate being hit on the head with a spatula."

Ukyo was so used to being walloped by now (mostly by Akane and Shampoo) that she didn't even notice and went right back to trying to kill Shampoo and bashing Ranma whenever he said "Why can't we all just get along" or something equally corny.

Just then, to make life even more difficult for our heroes (or not) the principal walked through the door.

"Bruddas and sistahs, the big kahuna sees that you've met your new substitute. Miss Cologne, my new sistah, will be your sub 'till Miss Hinako gets back."

"That's right," said Cologne nodding her head.

"Oh! Bad! What's that hole doin' in the wall, keiki? But the big kahuna is sure that Ranma Saotome, worst student at Furinkan, will patch the wall! Thank you so much for offering, keiki!"

Ranma groaned. Could his life possibly get any worse?

Of course it could. How silly of him to even ask.

A/N: During my last chapter I did not get a single review, even _with _the fudge cup bribe. My sister pointed out to me that it might be because people don't know what a fudge cup is. Ah well. This time, however, I'm picking something that everybody knows about. A brownie. _Everybody _knows that a brownie is a little man who comes to clean your house. No I'm kidding, I'm kidding. A brownie is that little chocolate square of chocolaty goodness. So, everybody who reviews gets a brownie. The more people who review, the faster I update. If you want me to update, review.


	4. Mr Tendo, You Dummy!

**Disclaimer:** I tried doing without the disclaimer, but it really didn't work. Oh well. Anyway, I put it back in, and I still don't own anything.

**Chapter 4: Mr. Tendo, You Dummy!**

"Mr. Tendo, you dummy!" yelled Ranma the minute he stepped into the house. "Why on earth did you marry that child-woman anyway!"

"Because he seemed to believe they were desperately in love and had always been destined for each other," said Akane, coming up behind him.

"It was a rhetorical question!" he bellowed at her.

Akane raised her eyebrows. "Do you even know what "rhetorical" means?"

"Of course I do!" he said with an air of dignity.

"Okay," she said. "What does it mean? _Without_ using the dictionary."

"Fine," he said. "It means—well—sort of—you know—uh—er—"

"My point exactly," Akane said firmly. "You have no idea what it means."

"At least I'm not a macho-chick like you," Ranma shot back. "Anyway," he said. "Why don't we get back to the real point of this conversation, which is that your old man is a dummy?"

"And just _why_ is he a dummy?" Akane inquired.

"He married that stupid woman!" said Ranma. "So, it's all_ his_ fault I have to fix that stupid hole stupid Shampoo put in the wall."

"Sounds more like it's Shampoo's fault," said Nabiki, leaning on the doorway.

"It's Mr. Tendo's," said Ranma furiously. "Because Shampoo never would have made that hole in the wall if she hadn't come to Furinkan, she never would have come to Furinkan if she hadn't been bringing Cologne lunch, Cologne never would have needed lunch brought to her if she wasn't there, she never would have been there if she wasn't subbing for Miss Hinako, she never would have been subbing for Miss Hinako if Miss Hinako hadn't needed a sub, Miss Hinako never would have needed a sub if she wasn't absent, she never would have been absent if she wasn't on her honeymoon, she never would have been on her honeymoon if she hadn't gotten married, and she never would have gotten married if Mr. Tendo hadn't proposed!" By the end of this speech Ranma was practically screaming. "So you see," he yelled. "It all comes back to Mr. Tendo."

"You know," said Nabiki slyly. "I bet I could make sure that the wall was fixed in a couple of hours, and not by you."

"How much?" said Ranma, stuffing his hand into his wallet.

"¥3,000."

"Done," said Ranma quickly.

"Thank you," said Nabiki, smiling sweetly, and went outside.

"Oh, Kuno-baby!" she called once out of the Tendo Dojo. Kuno had recently taken to haunting the Dojo so he could pounce on Akane and "the pigtailed girl" whenever they came out.

"What is it, Nabiki Tendo?" said Kuno coming out from behind the bushes.

"For ¥25,000 I'll set you up for a date with the pigtailed girl."

"Done," said Kuno, reaching for his wallet.

"Okay," said Nabiki, pocketing the cash. "Here's what you have to do. First, you go to Furinkan and fix the wall there."

"Why should I do that?" asked Kuno suspiciously.

"Because the pigtailed girl has some of her classes in that room and you don't want her to get cold," said Nabiki briskly. "Then go to the vacant lot. I promise you the pigtailed girl will be waiting there."

"Thank you, Nabiki Tendo," said Kuno, running off.

Nabiki smirked and went back inside.

"Oh, Ranma!" she called sweetly.

"What?" he said with a groan.

"Would you come with me please?" Nabiki said, giving him her most winning smile.

"I'm not giving you any more money," Ranma warned.

"How _could_ you think that of me?"

"I wonder," muttered Akane, casting the two of them a suspicious glance.

Ranma ignored Akane and followed Nabiki. "What do you want, anyway?" he asked.

"I just want you to take a look at something," said Nabiki, positioning Ranma next to the old in tree in the lot.

"What?" he said, looking around the lot.

"What in the world could that be!" Nabiki shouted, pointing behind them.

"Huh? There's nothing there!" When Ranma looked down again he was tied to the tree firmly and Nabiki was, just then, double-knotting the rope. "Nabiki, what on earth are you doing!"

"Just keeping a promise," she answered smiling sweetly while dumping a bucket of cold water over his, er, _her_, head.

"Whaaaaaah!" yelled Ranma.

"Oh, Ranma?" said Nabiki. "I should warn you. Kuno should be here any minute now. And with you tied up so helplessly… What _will_ he _do_?"

"NABIKIIIIIIIIII!"

A/N: So now we leave Ranma in the depths of despair. Poor guy. Oh well.

Now, Pippin's Hyper Little Mushroom would like to apologize for updating so slowly. Ahem. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I know it's awful and I apologize to the whole world. Please don't hate me.

If you have bothered reading this story all the way through, please review. Please. Even if it's just to say: "I liked it." or "I hated it." Just review!

Since I think that Nabiki will be making a lot of money during this story I have decided to put a Nabiki Money Counter at the end of each chapter. It will show how much she's made throughout the story.

**Nabiki Money Counter:**

¥38,000


	5. Nabiki Makes Trouble

Disclaimer: Yes, I am Rumiko Takahashi. Not. I own absolutely nothing. Chapter 5: Nabiki Makes Trouble 

"Nabiki, please let me down," said Ranma desperately. "I'll pay you!"

"As much as I hate to refuse, I'm afraid I must," said Nabiki, wiping a fake tear away and whipping a gag over Ranma's mouth.

Just then Kuno burst into the lot with a bunch of flowers. "Oh, Pigtailed Girl! What awful vagabond could have done this horrible thing to you!"

"Nn mm mm!" cried Ranma as best he could through the gag. At this point Nabiki chose to make a hasty getaway.

"You have a gag on your mouth!" cried Kuno. "Oh, how horrid! Let me remove it so that you may speak!" Kuno quickly removed the gag. "And now that your lips are free, let me kiss you!" To Ranma's horror this was exactly what he did.

The minute Kuno's lips touched his, Ranma was paralyzed with shock. He wasn't exactly sure what was going on anymore and the only thing his mind could say was, _Kuno kissed me. Kuno kissed me._

He didn't feel Kuno pick him up and say, "And now, Pigtailed Girl we shall go on a wonderful date! Where would you like to go? I know! The ocean!" Kuno ran off, towing the dazed Ranma with him.

Back at the Tendo Dojo, Akane was getting suspicious. Nabiki had long since returned from wherever she had gone with Ranma, but Ranma was not with her. Since Nabiki could provide no satisfactory information towards Ranma's whereabouts for anything less than ¥5000, which was all Akane had at the time, Akane was forced to go broke.

"He's on a date with Kuno," Nabiki said sweetly.

"He-- But why did he agree to go on a date with Kuno!" Akane yelled.

Nabiki stuck out her hand in the universal sign for 'money, please.'

"But I'm broke," said Akane. "Oh, fine. I'll sign an IOU for ¥1000."

Nabiki accepted the IOU, and said, "Oh, he didn't agree."

"Then why?" Akane said while signing another IOU.

"Kuno forced him."

"But how did he manage to get Ranma to do anything?" Another IOU was exchanged.

"I'm not quite sure. I think there was a tree involved… Money might help me jog my memory."

Akane groaned and signed yet another IOU. "This had better be worth it."

"We-ell, he was tied to the tree."

"How?"

After receiving another IOU, Nabiki said innocently, "With rope."

Akane screamed with frustration. "Why did Ranma let someone tie him to a tree?" she said, forking over yet another IOU.

"He didn't let them. He was forced."

"How were they able to tie him to a tree?"

"Oh, this is a tough one. I'm going to need _lots_ of money to help me remember."

"I hate you," muttered Akane. Finally, after signing an IOU for ¥3000, Nabiki brightened.

"Oh, _now _I remember! They shouted 'What in the world could that be!' and stupid Ranma looked. Then they used the distraction to tie him to the tree."

"Who?" Once more, Akane had to sign an IOU.

"Well, I never actually saw their face." This was actually quite true. You can't see your own face without a mirror, and Nabiki hadn't had one with her.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhh!" yelled Akane. "I pay you ¥1000 and all you say is that you _don't know_!"

"Yes."

Akane looked like she was about to blow her top. "I. Can. Not. Believe. You. I mean, I knew you were a money-grubber, but this is really ridiculous."

"But you're just _dying_ to ask me more questions, aren't you?" said Nabiki, flashing Akane her sweetest and most poisonous smile.

After some struggling with herself, Akane growled, "Yes."

"So? What do you want to know? Oh, and by the way, you're going to need a new notepad for those IOU's."

Akane glared at her. "What did this mysterious person look like?" She passed over an IOU (this was from a new notepad) rather grudgingly.

"I don't think ¥1000 is enough to help me remember that," said Nabiki. "Perhaps more like ¥5000."

This earned her an even more intensified glare, while Akane gave an IOU for another ¥4000. "All right, spill."

"Hmm," said Nabiki reflectively. "It was a girl. She had short black hair, arms and legs, of course, and nice, neat, shoes. She was also wearing our school uniform."

During this explanation, Akane was looking very uncomfortable, because she was realizing just how like her this sounded. She finally decided to ignore this and say, "Do you have any idea where Ranma and Kuno went?"

"That'll be ¥4000, please."

"Fine."

"Well, Kuno is the outdoorsy type, so it'll probably be some place outside and sort of _natural_."

There was a pause. "That's all?"

"Yes."

Akane, glaring at Nabiki, said, "If you weren't my sister, I'd hit you."

Nabiki smiled sweetly at her and then took all her money and many IOU's and went up to her room to hoard them.

**A/N:** I know, I know. I took _way_ too long. But this time I have an excuse. (readers gasp) I was on vacation. Forgive me.

And now for the obligatory 'please review.' It's just that no matter how many times I say it, I never seem to get many reviews. Such is the life of an author.

**Nabiki Money Counter:** (I'm just counting all the IOU's like regular money.)

¥62000 (You can check my math on that, as I'm not quite sure.)


	6. Akane and Ukyo Go On A Wild Goose Chase

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything, but once I raise enough money, I'll see what I can do.

Chapter 6: Akane and Ukyo Go On A Wild Goose Chase 

Akane quickly changed into her martial arts uniform, anticipating a fight. Also, she wanted to stop her brain saying all the evidence pointed to her being the one who tied up Ranma. Then she rushed towards the ocean, where she hoped Kuno would be.

As she was running through Tokyo, she ran smack into Ukyo. "Oh. Sorry, Ukyo," she said.

"That's fine. Where are you going anyway, Akane?" said Ukyo.

"Ranma was forced into a date with Kuno, and I'm going to save him, I guess."

"Ran-chan was forced into a date with Kuno? That's awful!" said Ukyo, horrified. "Let me help you!"

"Um, sure, why not?" said Akane. "I was heading to the ocean, because Kuno is sort of an outdoorsy guy."

"Good idea. Let's go!" said Ukyo. "Konatsu can manage the shop without me for a little bit." She grabbed one of her spatulas and quickly wrote a note. 'Konatsu, I have to go do some stuff. MAKE SOME MONEY.' Then she ran off with Akane.

Kuno and Ranma _were_ at the beach. Ranma was still in a coma-like state, but Kuno didn't seem to have noticed.

"Oh, Pigtailed Girl, I have a wonderful idea! Why don't we go on a wild goose chase?" It was a question, but Kuno didn't wait for an answer. He simply strapped Ranma to his back and ran off. "I will find a wild goose and give it to you as a token of my love!"

Konatsu received Ukyo's note and immediately panicked. "What if Ukyo-san is in trouble?! I have to go help her! I will find her through perseverance, since I have no ides where the heck she is!"

"Hey!" yelled a shocked customer at Konatsu's retreating back. "What about my okonomiyaki?"

_Meanwhile, Ryoga Hibiki has decided that today will be the he confesses his love for Akane. Be afraid. Be very afraid._

"I shall find you, Akane! I must tell you what is in my heart!" He walked off in what he thought was the general direction of the Tendo Dojo. It wasn't.

Akane and Ukyo arrived at the beach and looked around.

"Well," Ukyo finally remarked, "Doesn't look like they're here."

"No," said Akane. "But maybe we should ask somebody."

"Hey, you there!" said Ukyo walking up to a man selling sandwiches. "Have you seen a boy with loose clothes, curly hair, and bare feet, dragging a girl with a pigtail and Chinese clothing?"

The man thought for a bit. Then suddenly his face lit up. "Yeah! They left, though. Boy said something about going on a wild goose chase. They headed off to that forest."

"Thanks, bye!" said Akane and Ukyo, running off.

They arrived on the edge of the forest.

"Do wild geese even _live_ here?" said Akane, looking in.

"Who cares?" said Ukyo. "We just need to find Ran-chan."

"Where Mousse?" said Shampoo, back at the Cat Café. "Shampoo not see him for a while. He slacking."

"Now that you mention it," said Cologne, " I haven't seen him either. Go look for him, I need him to wash these dishes."

"Yes, Great-grandmother!"

Mousse was wandering around the forest, lost. He was _sure_ he recognized that tree.

"No!" he said. "I must find Shampoo again! Even if it my whole life, for Shampoo is my one true love!"

Kuno was running around the forest chattering to the Pigtailed Girl. He didn't seem to notice the lack of response.

"Look, Pigtailed Girl!" he said. "The goose's tracks! On, on!" He didn't know that these were duck tracks, and he couldn't have known that they were Mousse's.

Akari Unryuu sat upon the back of her beloved Katsunishiki, her face gazing into the radiant sunset. It was a lovely sight, but one touched with melancholy, for she had not seen her dear Ryoga in what seemed to her eons. A delicate sigh escaped her rosy lips as she thought of her love.

"Oh, Katsunishiki, I must find my love or I will perish from sorrow and loss," she said, as tears filled her eyes. "On, on!"

Kuno, expert tracker, was skulking on the edge of the clearing where Mousse sat, out of breath. "There, Pigtailed Girl!" he said in a whisper. "The wild goose! Soon we will pounce!"

He didn't notice Shampoo was on the other side of the clearing waiting to make her move, Ukyo and Akane were some five feet away planning their strategy, Ryoga had finally found Akane but was hiding and trying to figure out what to say, Konatsu was pretty close by while still looking for Ukyo, and Akari was tramping around about ten feet from the clearing searching for Ryoga.

They all saw and moved at the same time. As would be expected, they all promptly collided and fell in a large heap with Mousse (the smallest) at the bottom and Akari and Katsunishiki (the largest) at the top. Chaos ensued, with everybody talking at once.

"The wild goose is mine!"

"Mousse you lazy slacker, what you doing here?"

"There you are, Ranma, you idiot!"

"Hey, Ran-chan! Wake up!"

"A-Akane! W-What a coincidence!"

"Ukyo-san! I came to rescue you!"

"What do you mean 'rescue me'? I told you to stay at the shop!"

"Ryoga! Dearest love! I came to visit you, for I feared I would perish if I stayed another moment from your side!"

"O-Oh! Hi, Akari!"

"Wait! Konatsu, what did you do with the shop!"

"I left it there, of course! To rescue you!"

"Unsupervised?!"

"Aiyaa! Is Ranma!"

"You keep your hands off him!"

"Pigtailed Girl! Accept this token of my love!"

"Uuuuuuuugh."

"Awk!"

A/N: Wow. How long has it been since I updated? Months? Anyway, I'm really sorry. (How many times have you heard that before?) I had writer's block. It took me a really long time, but I guess I'm finally satisfied with this chapter. Sort of. But! Review, people! Even though you probably hate me for taking this long. I've probably lost all my fans, not that I had many to begin with…


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